BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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