mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
