ya dads aren't the best wingmen
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
