Can i not drive my cunt home
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
