I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
