My hand turned me down
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize