she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He kissed a someone with a penis
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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