Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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