is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
