Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
