I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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