Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
