I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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