I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
