Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Couch. On fire.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
