I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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