I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we made out on top of his cat.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
