I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
