WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
