: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
