omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
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I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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