i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
