My first STD was from a foam party
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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