is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
