Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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