the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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