Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
