I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
