I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
