there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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