yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
