she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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