well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
