called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
