I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
