the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
