So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
