life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
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Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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