that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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