Yo dont text me then not text me
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
