We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
