Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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