Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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