Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
