it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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