have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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