Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
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Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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