Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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