Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
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Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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