it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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