Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
