Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
