we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
