i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
