im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
