Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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