I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
