I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
