I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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