Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I enjoy the company of your penis
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