Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
