Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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