I puked a lego.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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