i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
