Midget sex pt 2 tonight
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
