I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
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You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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