No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
