And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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