Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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